Hurt

This is why I think it's gotten to me.

That post… You don't do posts like that, not out of the blue. You always do one on your anniversary, and I always dread it, but I also get it. You did one on New Years, and I'll admit I didn't handle that one well, either. But those are… occasions. Also, for all of those… they were all before I started really trying to show you how I felt. And they were all long before I started telling you how I felt. So, it could be argued that you didn't know you were hurting me with them.

But, this time.

It was out of the blue.

And I had just finally started opening up to you, in a way I thought you had been opening up to me. That I thought you wanted.

And so, no matter how I look at it, no matter how much I twist the thing around in my hands trying to find something I've missed…

You knew you were going to be hurting me.

And maybe you wanted to. And maybe you didn't. I can't quite bring myself to believe that you did.

But intent doesn't even matter, not really. You hurt me. And you know it. Whatever the reason might have been.

And you've done nothing to make it better. No attempt to soften the blow. No visible attempt at making amends.

You just left me to hurt. You left me hurt.

So, I'm sorry. I just… can't, right now. I can't look at you, I can't give you your smile and wave.

Maybe I'm being petty. Maybe this reaction is overblown. Probably it is.

But I'm hurt. And I'm through denying myself my feelings. I didn't think I was going to have to with you.

But I'm still yours.

I just…

I just wish you would help me understand.